On fandom(s)

Via.

Last night I was out walking around my college campus, killing time until I had to be at rehearsal, when I scrolled down to an old playlist on my iPod labelled "Dasey."

"Dasey," for those of you who don't know, is the shipping name for Derek Venturi and Casey McDonald, the main characters in the Canadian TV series Life with Derek. Throughout elementary,  middle, and later high school I was a huge fan of the show (I still am, but my input into the LWD fandom has decreased significantly in past years.). I don't know if it's really important to tell you guys that, but when I pressed "shuffle" on that playlist, it was kind of like a time capsule, and Past!Maddie was talking to me and communicating with me the importance of these characters, this show, this relationship. And when one sone came on, I nearly started crying because I simultaneously felt like I was coming home, like I was crawling into a warm bed... and like I was never going to be able to go back to that point in time, that I had changed too much.

I've been thinking about this kind of nostalgia for old fandoms today, and so I want to take a stab at talking about it before I forget or lose my nerve or both. This is my blog, after all, so I can say what I want.

I am a firm believer in the power of fandoms/"fandom."

I believe that fandom (general fandom, fandom-at-large) can create a tremendous feeling of community and security - both creatively and personally. I believe that fandom empowers people, fans, what have you, into taking the show/book/series in question into their own hands and making it their own. Fanart, fanfiction... both are excellent at conducting these kinds of feelings, and with blogging that community is amplified with blog posts and discussions. It creates a kind of social network, and while that can be incredibly rewarding for some people, others are not so lucky.

Because sometimes fantoms - while starting off on good intentions - can leave others feeling like victims. I'm not going to lie, some real nasty shit goes down sometimes in fandoms, and while debate and criticism is good within a community, it can "other" a group of people who have a set of legitimate concerns and critique for not going with the status quo. You see this a lot in discussing LGBTQIA+ issues in Harry Potter and Heroes of Olympus, or quest baiting/queer coding in Supernatural and Sherlock, and sexism in Doctor Who and racism/representation all around. So, yeah, I feel like in creating really wonderful communities fans sometimes/usually have the tendency of stepping on people's toes within the fandom... Or, you know, acting absolutely atrocious because The Honor of the fandom is at stake, and God Forbid any critique of the fandom go Too Far, because that would be Too Much.

Via.

I'm lucky in the regards that I haven't had any real negative experiences in the fandoms I've been super involved and invested in. While I'd like to say it's because I pick my communities well, it's more likely because I don't engage in serious discussion about shows or things that I like enough to encounter that sort of criticism. (Either that, or the show/series's incompetency was widely known throughout the fandom. I remember a "WTF" rating for Life with Derek show recaps) So I guess this post is kinda nostalgic about the things I used to do, I think it's also an example of why I need to push myself to be mindful of the communities I take part in and fandoms I join because complacency =/= fandom perfection.

I'm going to keep this post as-is for now, and hopefully in the future I'll be able to blog some more about this subject. (As a fangirl, I feel like this is an area I can actually discuss with any minor authority.)

What do you guys think? Do you feel the same way about fandom, or do you have a different opinion?

Less Clicking, More Inking - Inktober Has Begun!

It's Inktober! I'm trying to join in on the festivities this year in an attempt to do more art things. UNFORTUNATELY I'm two days behind, but that's fine with me. I'm coming up on a weekend and can use the time to catch up.

A babe I found online. Messed around with her pose/hair.

Unfortunately these scans came out kinda awful, so I might just go back to photographing my work, since I didn't exactly buy my printer for the rad scanner... (Hey, it gets the job done. ...Usually.)

I'll be updating with my progress in Inktober - stay tuned!

-M

I loved you so way back when

(First let me mention Fiona Apple's version of "Pure Imagination?" It's spooky in the best way, but also sad and has basically left me in a stupid, emotional mess for most of the evening.)

Since today was a beautiful day, I decided to take a walk around campus and take some photos. (Well, OK - I also had to take some for a Botany project.)

The baby hills that you see in these pictures are some of Beloit's infamous Indian mounds.  

Because winter lasts for fucking ever, I always forget how green it gets.  

In true school fashion, the year so far has been rushing by at a pace that seems really underwhelming in the day-by-day scheme of things, but a little...panic-inducing when I think about how long I've been at school so far. Like, fuck, it's practically October.

My school books. *Crying* (Also: I don't understand why this photo came out so crappy. )

Whenever I'm overwhelmed, I have the unfortunate habit of pushing away everything I should be doing and do fun projects or watch TV instead. Like, instead of studying for my first Botany test this past week, I finished up watching Malcolm in the Middle, which is one of my favorite shows. My mom, brother, and I used to eat dinner and watch it together. What does it say about us, that it's our favorite show?

As far as classes go this semester, I'm kinda pleased; while there is some tomfoolery/fuckery going on with my Arabic class (mostly the fact that my school doesn't offer the next level, ugh...), my poli sci classes are awesome and Botany is cool I guess. I mostly like taking plants apart and thinking how they and their environments work, rather than any cellular info or anything. Below are some pictures I took today of the area around the science center; most of the flowers are dead, and these were all that remained. I'm not too disappointed, though, since I got to stand by these and watch bees buzz around pollinating. I have such a soft spot for bees, it's so weird. But I really like how these pictures showcase the different shades of purple of the asters.

 Would you believe me if I told you I didn't use a filter for this one...?

Some succulents in the greenhouse that our class is growing.

My plants are the three in the lower right hand corner; the baby sprouts are (hopefully) going to be black and brown-eyed susans.

I'm also starting the study abroad application process; because there is a limited number of third-party programs that my school can pay for, it looks like I may be ditching the first semester in Washington (like I planned), and shooting for Morocco, instead (strangely, it's cheaper) with the second semester in Jordan (which is the program I want to get into more than anything). This is, of course, assuming I am still at my school next year. My mom refuses to acknowledge that I might go that far away for an entire year, but she'll eventually come around.

I feel kind of bad that I don't have anything else to say... I'm not doing much independent reading, lately, and so I don't have any book reviews, and since I'm usually holed up in my room working, I don't see my friends around too much. I feel like getting out of town for just a day or so, but I can't this weekend. (Isn't that always the case?) I have a paper to write this weekend, but I have another post in the works already, and I'm thinking of putting up some more art... I'd like to have fanart to post, but whatever; I only have so many hours in a day. I'm listening to Night Vale and the new Arctic Monkeys album, and reading more fanfic than I should. Good news, I'm at least making my bed and cleaning my room more often. (My dishes are another case, however...)

I hope you lovelies are doing well,

-M

The big 2-0

Today is my 20th birthday!! I'd like to dedicate this post to Beyonce, my birthday twin. Ugh, to think that I'm not a teenager anymore is weird, but since I never really got used to 19... Yeah, 20 is kind of terrifying. Can't I just be a teenager and stay irresponsible?

I feel pretty bad about letting my blog fall to the wayside, but tbh I guess I just haven' been sure about what to write about lately. Because school is school (and poll sci classes mean more reading than I can handle), I haven't had a ton of time for personal projects as of late. But since it's my birthday, I feel like I should be able to take a little while off and make a post about where I am and what I've been doing since the end of the summer.

I like to go onto Lookbook.nu and find people to draw when I'm in a rut. 

(The two collages above were inspired by Randy Grskovic)

I've been trying to do more journaling, which isn't really new in itself (I am a serial journal-keeper and journal-dropper), but with some things going on with me right now I just find it helpful to be able to write things down there without fear of judgement from my friends or the internet. I feel like I censor myself a lot; with my friends, family, and myself. And sometimes it's smart (not ragging on a friend's boyfriend) and sometimes it's stupid (not talking about issues with my boyfriend and resulting in a large fight). In any case, I appreciate the outlet, even though my creative output isn't as much I was hoping for this year.

My progress so far. I still have plans for an X-Files patch somewhere. 

(A glimpse of the pattern underneath)

I've also had a little sewing project going on the side; this is an old messenger bag that I got from an art school visit (what up Ringling!) that I decided to refurbish with some fabric because the original bag pattern wasn't much to my liking. Well, that and the fact that it also had a ton of marker stains on it from where it had been run over in the street (Don't ask). It isn't elaborate by any means, but it's something to do and I think it's a decent sewing intro, so there's that.

Other than these things, I don't have much going on besides classes and homework. My boyfriend will be visiting on Friday for the weekend, and my improv group's first show will also be this weekend... Gosh, if I'm going to talk about anything new in my life all I have going for me is a new haircut (I lost at least three inches, but it's still below my shoulders. I'll probably go to the salon sometime in the future to finish it off).

Do you have anything you're looking forward to? Anything you're working on?

-M

On Trying to Speak Up

I feel like I censor myself a lot, especially my opinions and political beliefs because I am absolute crap at fights (I'm one of those people who will come up with amazing comebacks 10 minutes too late, woe is me) and because I am always worried that I have the wrong data/information/whatever. While I find it really easy to pick apart stupid opinions on, say Tumblr (then again, most of the inflammatory arguments on Tumblr aren't very intelligent or well-written) I feel like I have trouble actively taking part in them. I'm better at confrontational behavior in person if it doesn't include a debate.

OK, that seems really confusing, so let me explain: If it's a debate, like US action in Syria, or gun control, I'm crap. I have my opinions (and I voice them to my friends quite frequently), but my fear of being made a fool of in debates usually causes me to turn the other cheek and write rebuttals in my heads.

But if it isn't a debate, if it's just stupidity or something I deeply reject on all levels (pro-life v. pro-choice, feminism, idiotic MRA "activists,"etc.) then I'm ok calling people out on their shit. I guess it's because I feel more comfortable talking about those things since I know more? Or maybe because I'm vested in them more? Since I am an IR major, I kind of have to have an opinion on Syria and other conflicts - and I do, but I guess I feel like I don't understand as much as I should/ I don't feel in absolutes like for feminism and stuff.

Monday I came across a post on Tumblr. Long story short - a white girl wore a headscarf to the mall, and wrote about the prejudice and racism she experienced. She wrote a long long post how hard it was to imagine anyone living their whole life with that kind of hatred directed at them and how people should just be nice to each other, yadda yadda yadda. Some Muslim women called her out on her privileged perspective, saying that they didn't need her white savior attitude.

(Naturally, Tumblr came to that white girl's rescue.)

What followed was typical; people berating those women, telling them to get off of their high horses, that the girl who made the original post was trying to help and had pure intentions, and why can't you just understand that this white person is being nice to you and trying to help your cause? Like, omg! Stop being so prejudiced towards white people! Your attitude makes it really hard for white people to understand your problems.

My response was as follows:

OK kids, here’s the thing.  

When someone - ANYONE - from a minority says something to you about the discrimination that they face, and that you don’t understand, that isn’t your cue to start yelling about how it isn’t “okay” to be prejudiced against white people. 

It is is your cue to SHUT UP AND LISTEN. 

This is not about you. This is about them. 

Because when you whine about how white people are yelled at for just trying to understand, you don’t get it. You are still exercising your white privilege.  

Because guess what? You’re still the top of the chain, as far as society goes. This is not about “wording.” This is not about how hard white people have it in speaking out against general prejudice. This is about understanding the fact that you will not nor will you ever understand the kind of discrimination that Muslim women face because of their choice to wear a headscarf. This is about someone saying, “Yeah, thanks, but did you think that we weren’t aware that we face huge amounts of prejudice every day? Do you think that we really needed a white/non-Musilm woman to be our champion?” 

White people have shown a tremendous capacity and ability to insert their opinion when it isn’t needed, and assert their rights and freedoms over everyone else’s. You can thank your white privilege for those feelings that your voice deserves to be heard. 

White/non-Muslim people don’t need to be the voice of Muslim women. White/non-Muslim people have zero authority to speak on. And so when someone calls you out on your lack of experience/whatever, what you do is SIT DOWN and SHUT UP.

I'm sure that there are more than a few gaps in my logic there; and as someone who is white/straight/cis, I did feel a little uneasy calling those people out since I do have a lot or privilege in society, and didn't want to take on the same "white savior" attitude, y'know? But hopefully I can use that privilege when calling people out on their shit and become a more effective ally. (Just, not like an "ally week" ally. JFC that whole concept is so goddamn stupid.)

Since I don't have a lot of followers, I seriously doubt many people saw it, and I also seriously doubt that many people cared. Still, I was really nervous about posting this; hopefully if someone does see it, it can create a dialogue.

What do you think? Have I missed the point? The post (and response) is here.

-M

One Last Summer Reading List and Book Haul!

Back in Kansas City.... and I have two weeks until I have to be back in Beloit. :/

Therefore I have made myself an "end of summer" reading list; hopefully I'll get through it all?

....Pfft. Yeah, right.

Abarat is something I've been planning on reading for a long time now, since I got the second book in the series years and years ago for Christmas. I finally got the first book a year ago, and I've gotta say - Wow! It has super vivid imagery. I can definitely tell that the author (Clive Barker) is also an artist; his descriptions are lush and perfect and strange. I'll hopefully post my reaction soon!

The two poli-sci books were assigned reading for my International Politics class last year, but since I fell asleep while reading them repeatedly (I am a terrible IR major) I'm going to try to knock them out now before the new school year starts. I think it's really fascinating material that should be helpful to me as an IR major, so the fact that I fell asleep while reading them are eternally frustrating to me.

And as for my recent book haul:

I also went to the used bookstore and found the rest of Douglas Adams's Hitchhiker "trilogy" for less than $2.00 each! I loved the first book in the "trilogy," so naturally I have high hopes for the rest of the series. I also got Hemingway's Boat (because he fascinates me, and I'm still trying to figure out how I feel about him) and Parade's End by Ford Maddox Ford (because I watched the HBO/BBC series this past winter, and was left thinking "wtf?!" and kind of dissatisfied, so I'm hoping that the book will fill in more character development, etc.).

This short period before the end of summer is kind of weird for me because it isn't long enough to do anything substantial (like get a job), but still feels too short (because, hello, summer. School is school, and it always comes too soon and ruins my ~free days~). First world problem? Ugh, idk. I kind of feel awkward using that phrase, since people all over the world in "third world countries" or whatever can have trivial "first world" problems too, and as an IR major the concept of "first/third world countries" is just too... grounded in the Cold War to really be relevant or whatever, and the concept of ranking countries based off of their alignment with the US and USSR is just really biased and stupid. But "developed world problems" just isn't as catchy I guess.

...IR major moment aside...

Is anyone else rushing to finish their fun before summer ends?
-M

End of Summer

Ok, so maybe I'm jumping ship a little early, but tbh it feels like I don't have much more time for summer activities, since after I get back from Beloit I have exactly two weeks until I head up again. Most of that time will be spent visiting family and packing and working out and seeing mah frens and eating awesome food (seriously, Beloit, where is your culture? I know cheese curds are like the default delicacy, but I want something that isn't Applebees. kthanks.)

In memory of summer 2013 (RIP), here are some pretty images to get everyone by into the new (school) year. 

Via.

Via. 

Ugh Wayne Thiebaud. I love that man almost as much as I love Van Gogh and Klimt (aka: the beautiful talented monster of my heart). But I mean, look at that COLOR. Ugh. As an arteest (well, aspiring, occasionally practicing, etc.), he is someone to seriously look up to. His colors rely on reds and blues and yellows, and when you're painting people (who are made up of more natural colors than black and white) (just take an art class if you don't believe me) it is SO IMPORTANT to remember that. 

Also his paintings of food make me swoon and wish I had an ice cream parlor to run to. (again: come on, Beloit!!)

Via. 

Via.

Obligatory Bowie. Via. 

I've been on the lookout for Bowie records to own/listen to/hang in my room next year, but alas! I live by no record shops (thanks, Beloot). Obviously that puts a cramp in my non-existent record-buying lifestyle. I try too hard to be hip.   But omg, dat David Bowie sass. Reasons # 34 - 56 why I love that man.

My girl Helga G. Pataki. She knows what summer can feel like. Via.

Currently obsessed with this song. But ugh, so tired of this tiny video player. Why you gotta be like that, Blogspot??

Via. 

In other news, I'm like really freaking excited because the Nelson-Atkins Museum in KC is hosting an exhibit featuring Frida Kahlo, Diego Rivera, and other contemporary Mexican artists, and my grandmother sent me a free pass to go see it. I can't remember if I've seen any of these artists in person before, and if I have I can't remember. I'm going to make a day at the museum, bringing my sketchbook and materials and I plan on sketching/studying everything. I mean, how often does a chance like this come around?? I'm so excited to see the paintings and pieces on exhibit, and will hopefully learn about some new artists. 

I hope y'all are doing well! Any plans for an end-of-summer hurrah?

-M